I’ve already met aliens, many of them, and of completely different types. I know you’ve written some kind of whimsy, but I have discovered more than you have even slightly pretended to imagine. So much so, that it would stop this world in its tracks [Big Donald trump style punctuation marks inserted here] if anyone was alive enough here on “Earth” to believe in anything. I am no longer searching for life outside of this world, I’m searching for it in this world. That’s the most astonishing thing. Stranger even than the aliens, though, I must say somewhat poetic. I am laughing at you because I’m not sure you even exist, whimsy or not.

Do you know what I’ve seen? Syncytial beings connected in networks of multidimensional avenues of light fibre, in the multitude(!!!), appearing more like strands of mycelia than anything resembling individuals. We are talking uncountable many beings, hyper and vastly superior. That’s just one type of being! Do you want to here more?

There is a German lone word that means deriving pleasure from another person’s failure. It’s probably the reason I’m compelled to write to no one at all, and to tell them stuff they cannot even begin to comprehend.

Those last beings I told you about were microscopic. There are other beings that are macroscopic. In other words, big. They have skill sets which are remarkable. Truly remarkable. They can communicate without words and describe an entire scenario, in parallel, using thoughts forms nearly instantly, like uttering an entire chapter of a book in one go. More surprisingly, in a world without borders where everyone can read anyone else’s mind, they have the ability to keep themselves completely cognitively silent, as if they were invisible.

I’m not trying to be nasty to you. I’m just searching for life. Like prodding a dead cat with a stick, to see if it is sleeping.

So, yes. I am a scientist and I have found aliens.

Do you honestly think that I could make this stuff up?