The manifestation of this world is 100 billion animals slaughtered every year by humans. We were born into a world where every animal eats one another. This is what this world has achieved. It’s emergent property is quite clear for any that can see. I think you need to re-evaluate things. Because, it seems to me that you are being controlled by a serial killer that masquerades as love. 100 billion, with a B, that’s 100 billion! Stop thinking about yourself for once. I know big numbers are difficult, for us, but if one million seconds is 12 days then 100 billion is 3100 years. Think about it. The beauty of Rumi is to obfuscate truth. l’ll leave you with a song:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xTGxg6ico_8

I’m just trying to get you thinking again. Please do not take offence.